I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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