Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
