My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
