i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
