just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
