honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
