she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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