I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
