We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
