First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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