i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
