I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
