Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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