I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
