you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Dear god my vagina.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
