I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
