Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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