I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
