I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize