Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
people are starting to question the shark bite story
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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