At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
