do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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