I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
