Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
