it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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