woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Princesses don't give blow jobs
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
