K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
