Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
