This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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