I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize