My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
