This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
