Your face is a jimmy john
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
sex in a hospital.. check
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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