trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
