Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
