I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
