Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
