Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
