Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
