I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
