My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
