Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
