john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize