What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
