THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
