We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
