break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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