So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
