i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
