whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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