So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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