wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
