You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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