Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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