So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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