We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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