Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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