I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize