Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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