I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
