I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
two words...techno handjob
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
