We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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