you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize