I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
