I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
