i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
