Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
