peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Randomize
